Writing fail of epic proportions

[bradspyjamas]

When will I learn that a draft does not a finished work make? 
I started writing The Weight of Knowledge over two months ago and posted the first chapter only when I'd written all three chapters and finished editing 1 & 2.  I posted those two pretty quickly in succession, certain that I'd be able to iron the wrinkles out of chapter 3 in good time.
Yeah and oh look, flying pigs!
I just can't make it read properly and it doesn't fit with the first two chapters at all. I know part of it is that I'm working with really triggery material (describing how John feels when he realises he's put on weight, facing up to why he was able to hide it from himself, why Sherlock didn't mention anything, how he feels about it, what his own weight gain means to him and how he feels about John's) and that makes me nervous in case I upset someone (me not included although it hasn't been easy writing it - which was half the purpose in the first place). 
Then there's the damn writing style I was so eager to try out in the first place - works brilliantly for chapters 1 & 2 but it's strangling what I'm trying to do in 3, making things sounds flippant when they really shouldn't.
I've re- written it so many times I want to scream and kizzia has beta'd and even written her own version in an attempt to help me out (which is the one I'm currently playing with as she somehow managed to get all the good bits from my versions and string them together in her own inimitable fashion) but I still grates on my nerves and I refuse to post something I'm not happy with.
I just want it gone! 
Do I post and be damned or spend today trying to fix it (kizzia has offered moral support via Skype)? Answers on a postcard please :)

Comments

Re: Things to Try

[azriona.livejournal.com]

Oh, it'll post, I just don't like posting more than one longer story at a time, and EGT is still looking it over. I'll start when British Gov't is done, maybe a week in between to get some of the one-shots piling up out there.

You don't have to finish the story if you don't want to finish the story. I admit, I'd like to see the next chapter as well, but you said up front that it's triggery for you, so I kind of figured it was giving you trouble.

But as far as "don't think" goes....I do mean that. Write it, fast as you can, and don't think about it too close. It's how I got through John's seizure, which in the end, was NOTHING like Andrew's, and that made it easier.

(And don't think about what we'll think about it. Can't please all of us all of the time. Look at the number of people who liked Timing and the number of people who aren't reading British Gov't.)

Re: Things to Try

[bradspyjamas.livejournal.com]

Such good advice - I shall go and make coffee and then sit down, set my brain to freewheel mode and write.
Oh and all those people who arn't reading The British Gov't are daft - it's fab.

Re: Things to Try

[azriona.livejournal.com]

Ah, but no one gets laid in British Gov't. Fics don't get read unless someone gets laid in them, usually several times, possibly with lots of angst before and snuggles after. I've long since reconciled myself to this fact. :)

Re: Things to Try

[bradspyjamas.livejournal.com]

I think it's a fandom thing - Kiz has a Merlin wip that's amazing (although I think she might walk away from that tbh) and there is no sex whatsoever yet she's got loads of hits and people begging for updates.
Anyway, I read fics sans sex all the time (although I'm apparently incapable of writing them!)